Bad Bones

Help!

I have osteoporosis.

In 2005 my DEXA said I had osteopenia; now it’s full-on osteoporosis, worst in my spine, and I wake at three AM scared to death, wondering if one day my bones will suddenly crumble and I will become as helpless as a jellyfish on a beach.

Part of the cause is age (I’m over 70); part is diet (not enough calcium); most of it is lack of exercise (the kind that builds bone naturally). Fear is a gift: it makes me want to “repent” and do what’s necessary to get healthier bones. So I can sleep at night.

My “bone repentance” began with asking for help. A friend had referred me to Margaret Martin, an online physical therapist who offers coaching calls via Zoom. I signed up today. I don’t know what she’ll tell me, exactly, but in signing up and paying her fee I am doing three things: 1. Facing my fear of the result of my own frailties, 2. Deciding to do something about it, 3. Obeying the instructions of a woman who knows more than I do and can show me, step by step, a better way to live.

All three things require hard work. They require me to be honest. They will require me to re-prioritize my daily life so what’s really important will come first and not be neglected, at the end of the day, because I just don’t have the energy. That means I may have to get rid of some non-essentials, so that what is essential can be maintained.

Before I hit the Pay button, I had to ask myself if I would really follow Margaret’s instructions. I hate to exercise. My future life depends on my overcoming that aversion and, perhaps, beginning to like exercise a little. The state of my health, and my bones, impacts a small, but important, circle of people, and I don’t want to let them down by not doing what I can do simply because I don’t like doing it.

Hitting the Pay button was a commitment. A promise. A change of direction and habits. Margaret can tell me what to do, but I’m the one who has to actually do it.

Now I’m waiting to receive an appointment date. While I’m waiting, all I can do is walk every day and eat prunes, which are supposed to be a good source of calcium. (I’ll need to schedule my walks to accommodate the other thing prunes are famous for.)

Since I’d done all I could do for today, I picked up a new book, written by my young friend Anna, and resumed my reading. Citing the biblical text, Proverbs 3:5-6, today’s chapter focused on the practice of humbly asking for help. Hmmm.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths…

Anna added, “it’s a simple and humble acknowledgment of God and choosing to trust him instead of ourselves. Surrender can happen amid the mess, even it it’s a mess you yourself created…”

…like finally going to the bone experts to find healing for my bones. Point taken. Thanks, Anna!

Above, in regard to osteoporosis, I labeled the asking-for-help process “repentence.” After reading Anna’s words I realized that asking for help is also an accurate description of what Christians call conversion. The Latin word for convert means to “turn from one use or destination to another,” or, in the words of Proverbs, it means to discontinue trusting in your own wisdom and begin trusting in the wisdom of your Creator. It means giving up unhealthy living and doing the “exercises” which bring health. And that starts with the decision to do as you’re told, followed by the practice of doing it. Obedience is our work, not God’s.

I don’t believe in coincidences; timing is everything. I believe Anna’s book came to me this week to serve as a confirmation of my decision to get help for my bones, as well as my soul. In the process of writing this post I grabbed my Bible and looked up Proverbs 3:5-6, but kept on reading. Verses 7 and 8 say this:

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart form evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones.